throwing a birthday party

Throwing a Birthday Party (That I Stole)

Throwing a Birthday party is something I find fun to do. I enjoy spending time with someone on their special day. I especially enjoy having the opportunity to take that day and claim it as my own. I love stealing peoples birthdays.

Throwing a Birthday Party – What it Takes

What does it take to throw an amazing party? Well you need tons of shit and all that shit can vary. In our case, being that we were around the age of 21, booze was a necessity. You’ll also want to have great food and even better people. Generally, you need to invite people that know how to have a good time.

Party Expectations and Early Evening Thoughts

Now this was planned to be a small house party for a friends 23rd Birthday. About 20 people were invited and 14 showed. 7pm was the start time of the party and plenty of people pregamed. The plan was to have some great food, conversation, and partake in drinking games into the night.

With everyone drunk by the time they showed up, I knew the fate of the night might be aggressive. A guy even got out of his friends car, pounded a measly keystone light, threw the empty can to the ground as if he just scored a touchdown and yelled, “LET’S PARTY!”. It doesn’t get more hillbilly than it does in Ohio.

What Happened Later On

Birthday boy had his head in the toilet, puking, by 9pm. Hey, that’s what an entire bottle of Crown does to you. It’s easy to remember 13 drunk idiots parading around my house after a good meal. Yet, it’s even easier to remember if the person the party was for is passed out with his head in a toilet. All of the guests wanted cake at this point. So, we needed to formulate a plan to get this passed out guy to blow out some candles. Also, what good is a birthday party without singing “Happy Birthday”? You better believe we took this guy downstairs, into the kitchen for cake, “Weekend at Bernie’s” style. His ass was there for the cake and we had taken pictures to prove it. Singing Happy b-day was insanely fun. With everyone off-key, my voice really shined when it came time to shout his name. Allow me to recite my version of “Happy Birthday” this night.

Happy Birthday to You,

Happy Birthday to You,

Happy Birthday Dear Justin,


And it was at this moment I stuffed my fat fucking face into that marble, layered cake. Chocolate and Vanilla was everywhere for days to come but I wouldn’t change this experience for the world. I got a mouth full of cake and we immediately started a food fight. I’m glad I don’t life at this house anymore.


Thank you for reading. Feel free to enjoy another post where I talk about an insane drinking story! Thursdays are for the Boys.



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